I went to a movie with my daughter the other day all about young love. A real tear jerker, it made many of the teenage girls seated all around us sob. I guess I must be getting older, because I only let a single tear roll down my cheek when the grandfather told his comatose granddaughter that it was ok if she needed to leave them.
But the movie stirred up memories of first loves and the impact they have. The thrill the first time a boy notices you. The anguish when he ends it. The way you feel when the boy you’re too shy to speak to asks your friend to the prom. Holding hands in the darkness of the movie theatre. The first electric kiss. The first flowers. Opening love letters. Romantic walks in the rain, or by the water.The first time you want more than just a kiss! Umpteen years later, I look back on all those first love memories wistfully, with all the wisdom that the silvery strands of hair bring. And yet, it’s still easy to remember the intensity that I felt in the moment.
A 2012 joint American and Austrian study has made science out of those feelings, blaming the intensity on a combination of hormones, endorphins, brains under construction and the teenager quest to figure out “who I am”. This BBC Science webpage does a good job of explaining “love on the brain”. But regardless of the scientific explanations, in the moment, the feelings are very real.
My own kids are at that tender age when young love is starting to bloom. One of my boys has a girlfriend, and I smile knowingly as they tentatively enter this new phase of almost growing up, while preparing to deal with the bruises of a young broken heart just in case things don’t work out.
What wisdom have I passed to on to my kids about love? Among other things, I hope I’ve taught them to treat their sweethearts well and to recognize how special love is. I’ve tried to be very open with them as they’ve grown, so that no subject is off limits. So far, so good. We talk about things I can’t imagine ever having talked to my own parents about.
At the end of the day, all I really want is for them to be able to express their emotions – exhilaration or anguish or anything in between – in a healthy way as they make their way through this maze of adolescence and young adulthood. I’ll watch with interest from the sidelines, cheering them on their victories and offering up a shoulder to deal with the losses. Because there will be highs and lows, bumps and scrapes along the way.
But it’s all worth it – in the name of love!
