Cup of steaming tea in hand, I glanced in her bedroom this morning and for the first time since June, I saw her sound asleep, with her hair streaming behind her on her pillow and her long lithe legs sticking out from the covers, while the cool breeze moved the blinds on her windows. Fall is coming and I have my daughter home for two nights before she starts her new university life half way across the country.
The sight made me smile, but it also made my breath catch in my throat.
I’ve written about Son number one and Son number two going off to school, but this feels very different. In the leadup to their leavings, I was full of excitement for them – reminiscing on my own heady university years. The emotion of them actually being gone didn’t set in until I left them in their new dorms. But this time, while of course I’m excited for her, the emotions of her being gone are weighing heavily on me before she’s even left the nest.
I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s so different this time. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a girl, because she’s my last, or because she’s going so far away. I suppose it’s probably a little bit of each. And by virtue of being a spring baby, she’s a little older than the boys were. At 18 already, she’s a fully-fledged grownup. Regardless of the reason, my very visceral reaction is like a little cloud that I can’t get out from under, and it’s affected more of my summer than I’d like to admit.
After all, she’s actually already been away since late June. Like her brothers before her, she spends her summers working at a summer camp more than two hours away! I’ve seen her for fewer than six hours since then.
Suddenly now, reality has crept quietly upon us. We have just today to get all the laundry done and packed back up, remembering winter clothes too – the quickest turnaround time yet! And our flight to Kelowna is tomorrow morning and I can imagine it full of excited chatter as we make our way west.
Once we get to BC, we have two days to “shop ‘til we drop” and acquire everything a young lady going into her first year of university needs. She has a sweet setup – four single rooms connected by a full kitchen and a living room – and it comes with a kitchen table and couch. I’ll get her settled in, take her on a giant grocery shopping trip, and then….
…and then she’s on her own. The next chapter of her book of life opens up, with new stories to be written and new adventures to be had. She’s going to have an amazing time.
I think the plane ride home on Monday will be a little quieter as I get used to the idea of not having her back for another few months. But it will be good. I’ll open up that metaphorical fresh new page in my book of life and start writing my own next chapter too.
