Valentine’s Day can be a bit morose for a single woman. And I’m not ashamed to say I’ve drowned my sorrows in chocolate and red wine more than once. But this year I’ve decided to take an optimist’s view of love. Love comes in so many shapes and forms that it seems foolish to concentrate on only one kind. I have loved and have been well-loved in my life and it has been good. I’ve regretted none of it.
A parent’s love is the first we experience. It’s a love we are so sure of that we push and we test without worrying about consequences. Parents will love us, no matter what, and the same is true in reverse. The safety net parental love provides lets us spread our wings and try out different options of who we want to become as we grow. My parents saw me through many adventures. They supported me in choices that may have seemed odd to others. They believed – they still believe – in me and the confidence that gave me let me soar.
First loves are special. I remember often feeling so amazed that my first high-school boyfriend loved me. It was an innocent love and it only lasted a few months, but it was the first time somebody loved me who didn’t have to. To a young teenaged me, that was really something. I probably held onto that love too long because of that, but I learned the value of being cherished.
Then there’s the first time love sends jolts of electricity through your body from the tips of your toes to the end of each of the hairs on your head. I will never forget my first grownup love, with its stolen glances, the frisson of hands touching and the hours we spent together in conversation and in silence. One special Valentine’s Day, he gave me a little gold heart-shaped pendant. I still have it. I’m not really sure why, but every once and a while, when I see it in my jewelry box, it makes me smile with special memories of that time. He probably has no idea what a big impact that romance had on me, and I’m sure the pendant has long since left his memory, but it was with him that I began to truly see myself as a woman.
Sometimes love isn’t returned. I remember having the biggest crush on a boy at university who knew me as a friend – a good one – but nothing else. I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to devise ways for him to see me as something more, but it was not to be. These are the loves that help you grow and value yourself more than you did before.
Some love turns into marriage. I married a sweet boy I met at school. A friendship turned into something more serious and we began spending more and more time together imagining our future together. We wanted the same things and we shared the same values. Love grew from those common bonds and one September afternoon, we publicly declared our love for each other at a magical wedding in the tiny town where I grew up. In our early married years, we truly were one.
Although we all experience the unconditional love of our parents, until you have babies of your own, you can’t imagine the instant love that comes with having a child. My three – who we lovingly call the SEA creatures because of their initials – have changed me in ways I couldn’t have begun to imagine. I love them so deeply it aches sometimes. As they grow into teenagers and adults, they’re doing their own pushing and testing. I sometimes half-jokingly tell them that I may not always “like” them and their choices, but that I will always, always love them. I think they’re learning the difference! They are my greatest joy and three of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve learned so many lessons throughout their short lives that it is impossible to count them all. But their love has made me a better person.
Love doesn’t always last. A crumbling marriage leads to a broken heart and miserable Valentine’s Days. But even in that, there are things to learn. One of the biggest lessons I learned through my own divorce was how important it is to love myself.
I think one of my most precious loves is the love of my friends. When things go wrong in life – and they do – it’s the warm, caring love of friends wrapping you like a blanket that gets you through it. I am blessed to have wonderful friends in my life who have held my hand when I’ve needed it. I’m not sure I’m as good a friend to them as they have been to me, but I try.
And what of future love? I’m convinced there is love still to come. It’s exciting that I don’t know where or when it will happen, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will. I’m a different woman than I was when I was young – and even as a young(er) adult. Life has changed me – mostly for the good. The lessons I’ve learned through other loves in my life have prepared me for the return of love in my life. So bring it on, Cupid. I’m ready.
