I’m reading a book called The Happiness Curve. It posits that our 30s and 40s are the most unhappy decades of our lives – where stress lives and where things bottom out, so to speak – and that in our 50s, we regain a great deal of balance and happiness.
I think there’s some truth to that, at least in my somewhat privileged Canadian experience. I have a circle of friends who are either approaching or are just past that magic half-century mark and we’re all seeing a bright shiny future coming closer and closer. We’ve been heard humming Pharrell Williams’ iconic song.
Many of us are seeing the end of financial support of newly-adult children. High school curricular activities are long passed and final terms of university are fast approaching. Some are looking to travel with that newfound money, others to invest in real estate, to pay down the last of mortgages and others to do long-put-off renovations.
Many of us have worked hard for the past ten or twenty years at least, at jobs that demand physical or mental strength. The threat of losing jobs has been a constant. Some have lost jobs due to acquisitions, divestitures, and downsizing. Others have been among the ‘survivors’, feeling that guilt and at the same time working longer and harder because we need that job. Some of us have done very well in our careers – but with that success comes more pressure. But now, with the enormous financial strain lessening, we’re realizing it wouldn’t be the end of the world if our employment situation were to change. Its an incredibly surprising – and freeing realization.
And the stress at home is lessening too. As much as we love our kids and wouldn’t give up a moment we spent raising them throughout our 30s and 40s, those were hard years. Really hard years.
While kids still call for advice, and still boomerang home from time to time, the sweet – but frustrating – days of “why, Mummy, why?” that left us with simple goals like showering without a little one at the door are just memories. I tell my younger colleagues and friends to treasure these years, because though the challenges change, they don’t diminish over time. Bigger kids, bigger problems, right? Dating. Learning to drive. Navigating bullies. Until they spread their wings and fly on their own.
Some of us faced those years with our own parents – or parents-in-law – close at hand. That came with its own challenges! Others had that familial support at a distance. Some of us became caregivers to our parents, and a few have already lost mothers and fathers.
Entering our fifties, many of my friends and acquaintences have faced the end of marriages, and found new relationships to bridge to the next chapter. Others are looking for their next romantic spark. Still others are celebrating the closeness that can only come with decades of love and partnership.
I don’t think it takes mountains of research to understand that fewer demands means more opportunity to regain our happiness equilibrium. We have more time. And time, if we use it wisely, allows us to rediscover ourselves individually and in our relationships. We’re remembering what we love to do. And we’re doing it.
Selfish? Self-centred? Maybe. But after years of putting others first, we’re finally able to take care of ourselves. These days, we hear a lot about self-care; and we’re ready to put that into action. It looks different for all of us. Long bike rides; extra time with the crossword; lazy mornings in bed; girls’ getaway trips; romantic evenings and weekends away; planning – and going on – grand adventures.
I’m busy planning my next grand adventure. What’s yours?
